We are now accepting applications from people who don’t suck at life.

Looking for a part-time gig with flexible hours that is easy, fun and lets you smoke weed? You’ve found your dream job. Please stop in and leave your information. The last time we did this, we found someone. The problem? She was canned three days in for showing up late twice. Don’t be stupid and waste our time like this person.

We aren’t asking for much here. We want someone awesome. If that is you, come in and see us. If you know someone who is awesome, send them our way. If you are someone who steals, lies, does coke or is simply lazy, fuck off.