*Special thanks and credit goes out to some fine folks at a business in Chicago for ideas on some of these questions and answers.*
Question: Can I have directions to your store?
Answer: 1565 DeKalb Ave. Suite C (Route 23) in Sycamore, Illinois – North of Portillo’s on the left hand side – Next to Batteries Plus – You can also put in 1615 DeKalb Ave. in your GPS since Google Maps sucks and leads people to the building behind the store.
Question: What is with the sarcasm on your website and in your store?
Answer: Let us get back to you on that one.
Question: Are you going to sell marijuana when it becomes legal on January 1st, 2020?
Answer: The state of Illinois wants nearly $500,000 in cash and assets to start. If you have that amount to give, let us know and we’ll accept it from you.
Question: What about finding a partner for a dispensary?
Answer: Sure. We’re taking offers from complete strangers that we trust 100% with our life savings. We have our bank router and account numbers ready.
Question: I’ve been calling your store and it keeps going to your answering machine. Why isn’t anyone answering?
Answer:
Question: I am looking at these detox drinks you sell. Do they really work?
Answer: Go ask an employee at Best Buy if the TV’s they sell turn on.
Question: Why do I have to pay upfront/partially for special orders?
Answer: The same reason why you pay up front for food at Subway.
Question: I saw a pipe for $35. Can you sell it for $30?
Answer: I think we can do that for $30. There is a negotiating fee of $5 added on to that total, however. I am sure you’re fine with that since you are aware that if you see the same pipe at a competing store, it will cost much more than the $35 we have it for. This isn’t a pawn store. Things have price tags for a reason.
Question: How can you only be open until 7:00? That’s when I get off work!
Answer: First, this store is open 65 hours a week. Some days, we are at work even longer than our schedules say we are. That means our employees may work more, which in turn, they get paid more. Our prices are the lowest in DeKalb County for many reasons. This is one of them. We can’t help if you don’t have time within ten hours on weekdays, eight on Saturdays and seven on Sundays. All of us working here are tired as it is working most of those 65 hours a week.
Question: Can you please be open longer?
Answer: Are the 65 hours per week that we are open not enough time for you to come see us to get what you need?
Question: Is this a franchise?
Answer: If by franchise, you mean, star player on a team? Then, yes. All of us working here are franchise players.
Question: I paid for a glass pipe/vaporizer/grinder/scale and I’d like to return it. Is that okay?
Answer: You can, but you aren’t getting your money back.
Question: Why won’t you refund me on this glass pipe/vaporizer/grinder/scale that I bought yesterday?
Answer: You actually think we are going to allow you to return a glass pipe that was used and resell it?
Question: The person working when I was there was rude. Can I speak to an owner/manager?
Answer: The person that was rude to you was either the owner or manager.
Question: Why are you all so awesome?
Answer: Because of people like you reading this. It’s you that has helped make us that way for 20 years and counting. When we tell you we appreciate your business, we mean it. No sarcasm here.
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